Come See Bunnymort!
by Alex Ultra
Summary: Disclaimer: I claim no responsibility for any brain damage that this fic may cause. You have been both warned, and... erm, farthswather, whatever that means. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! ONESHOT! AND A SECOND SHOT!
1. Harry PotHead

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Further Disclaimer: I claim no responsibility for any brain damage that this fic may cause. You have been both warned, and... erm, farthswather, whatever that means.

Edit: The website apparently mangled the original version at some point, disrupting formatting and outright truncating certain parts, so I reuploaded it. Enjoy the full, unobstructed version! (I hope.)

Finally, before any of you dive into this with abandon, I would like to apologize ahead of time for the brain damage that you may or may not be given; I may claim no responsibility, as you have been warned, but... oh heck, it was fun, but don't go bashing your brains out, okay?

(ninjas away)

* * *

Harry Pot(head)

* * *

Ron would never forget the day it happened. It had to have been one of the most... horrible things that had ever happened.

It was the day that his brothers had finally decided Harry needed to relax. So they gave him... something.

* * *

Memory...

* * *

"HIMYNAME'SHARRYTHAT'SANICETIE!SEEYALATERBYE!~" Harry zoomed away from Ron, who was now sporting a tie around his neck. Or it _would_ have been a tie, if it didn't happen to have several pink ribbons tied to it with flowers and nails and other random things in the ties.

"Harry?" Harry, however, didn't listen, too intent on running out to the Weasley garden to pick more flowers. Many of those flowers turned out to be garden gnomes, who then began frantically trying to claw their way out of the insane boy's grasp.

"GEROFF!"

"GEAR OFF! OKAY!" Harry then disrobed the gnomes, which was a sight Ron hoped never again to see, before producing ribbons from nowhere and tying them to the, now very unhappy little gnome, "Sing I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT! It'll be fun!"

"H-harry? Are you okay?" Ron could have slapped himself, of _course_ Harry wasn't okay! He was acting... well, there was frankly no words to describe how Harry was acting.

Suddenly Ron was snatched, and put into the hole that the gnome had vacated, "LOOKIT! A GARDEN RON! YAY! HEY GNOME GUY, YOU'RE RON NOW! HEY RON WHERE'S GINNY!"

"I don't know! Harry knock it off!" Harry, of course, wasn't listening, instead digging up another poor, defenseless garden gnome, happily dressing it up much like he had the first one, except with a whole bouquet's worth of red flowers in its hair.

"HI GINNY HOW ARE YOU DOING I'M DOING GREAT YOU WANNA PLAY QUIDDITCH? OKAY! FIREBOLT I CALL TO YOU!" Fortunately Harry didn't have his wand, but that wasn't about to stop Harry, who decided to go get said broomstick... by climbing up the wall, fingers leaving little indentations in the not-that-old wood planking. "FIIIIREBOLT! HEEEERE'S HARRY!" Harry's Firebolt suddenly flew out the window dragging along Harry, who had just gone through said window to retrieve it; for a moment Ron thought it might have been fleeing him, until he noticed Harry hanging onto it by the bristles, laughing like a mad man just escaped from some sort of asylum.

"HEYLOOKATREE!HEYTREEHITME!HITMEHITMEHITMEHITMEHITME!" Harry suddenly hopped off of his broom, which he had mounted in mid-flight, to land in an old tree in the Weasley back yard, whence he grabbed a branch and started shaking the branch with all his might, causing it to sway far more than such a skinny boy should have been able.

Ron fought against his dirty bindings, even as the gnomes next to his head stood in abject horror at the sight before them; rather than fight Ron for the hole he was currently stuck in, the displaced Gnome simply dug a new one, throwing dirt up Ron's nose and making him sneeze.

"OLOOKAGARDENGNOME!" Ron nearly went into hysterics when Harry descended on him, eyes wide and humongous grin on his face; before Ron could somehow pull a miracle out his ass Harry had pulled him out of the hole, grabbed him by the back of the shirt and spun him around, flinging him nearly twenty feet atop a bunch of bushes, "HEYLOOKITSGINNY!HEYGINNY!"

Ron didn't get a good look at what Harry had found to do after throwing him halfway to death, but when his vision stopped swirling he found Harry accosting his older brother, Bill, who was now sporting flowers and ribbons in his hair, on his fingers, shoes, pants, belt, earring, everywhere imaginable on his shirt, the fingerless glove he had on his right hand, and even a bunch that had been stuffed into his mouth and the nostrils of his nose.

"WHEEEE!" Harry then sped off for parts unknown.

At just about that moment Fred and George came out the back door, snickering madly as they noticed Ron and Bill in their predicaments, causing Ron to grow furious, "WHAT DID YOU DO!"

Suddenly both twins broke out into uproarious laughter, almost threatening to out-laugh Harry, who despite being several walls away by now could still be heard quite well, to the added noise of breaking dishes and the Weasley Matriarch screaming in a mixture of anger and terror.

Suddenly Bill picked Fred up off of the ground by the front of his shirt, "What. Did. You. Do?"

"Hehewe thought Harry could use a pick-me-up, so we gave him something new of ours!"

"WHAT?"

"Hehey it's safe, we use it on ourselves sometimes! Like this morning!"

"WHAT DID YOU GIVE TO HIM!"

Suddenly both George and the captive Fred broke out into a melodic shout, "SUPER MEGA HYPER EXTRA SPECTACULAR UBER HYPER HAPPY JUICE OF EXTRA EXCITEMENT AND GREATNESS!"

Bill stared. Ron stared. Both of them got identical feelings of dread as the twins began to dissolve into giggles. "Hey guess what!" Fred suddenly stood up straight, despite still being held off the ground, a manic look in his eye, "Ginny got some too!"

This statement was followed by twin shouts of "WHAT!"

"She was trying to stop us! Yeah! And then the cap came off, and some got in her eye! Most of it got in Harry, but Ginny got some too!" Which, of course, explained why Ginny had suddenly hijacked their mother's wand and decided to, somehow, take off on it like a broom, flying out the kitchen window, Harry diving out it with his arms spread akimbo as though he thought he were an airplane.

Ginny giggled from her flying wand, "Harry, you're not a bird!"

Harry quickly climbed off of Ron, who had dove for Harry when he saw the boy do a suicide dive, "OHYEAH!I'MNOTABIRDI'MABOYWHOLIVED!OH!IKNOW,ISHOULDGOKILLVOLDEMORT!YEAH!" Before anyone could stop him Harry suddenly put both hands to his forehead, palms out, and shouted, "SUPERSCARPOWERGO!"

Now, see, normally this would only have resulted in Harry standing there, looking like an idiot. However, his mind wasn't currently working quite right, so even his subconscious didn't realize that this wouldn't work, so instead it decided to make it work. The piece of Voldemort's soul in the scar itself wanted to go back to Voldemort anyway, of course, so when Harry suddenly supplied it with enough raw magic to turn a Hippogriff into a fluffy pink bunny rabbit and send it hopping around the world in three seconds flat, it did what it wanted to do: Returned to Voldemort, bringing the boy along for the ride.

Of course, it also gained sentience, and a disposition that would lend it well to being a fluffy pink bunny on Speed.

Voldemort was lounging on his throne of human skulls, which had once been a moldy old lounge chair, when he heard it. "VOLDYVOLDYMOLDYBUTT!HEYGUESSWHATI'MHERELET'SPLAY!"

Voldemort was then suddenly assaulted by the grabbing, crawling body of a young boy with a mad grin on his face, "AARGH! GEROFF!"

"GEAR OFF? _OKAY!_" Suddenly Voldemort had been disrobed, and this did not please him... nor did it please anyone else, for that matter, the very sight of it sending a very unfortunate Lucious, er, Lucius Malfoy to his knees, gargling as though his mind had suddenly been erased.

"AAARRRGGGHH! AVADAAAAAAAAHHHH! LET GO OF MY HAND YOU LITTLE MONSTER!" Harry, of course, decided that the hand was too chewy anyway and decided to gnaw blankly on Voldemort's head, pulling great bits of hair, ear, and nose away, continuing to grapple with the man who suddenly toppled over, sending the both of them rolling to the floor.

"I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL TO SHREDS AND _**FEED**_ _IT TO YOU!_"

"!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, Harry's very Magical core recreated the stuff that was currently in his system and Harry lopped a great glob of the stuff directly into the Dark Lord's face.

It was known from that day forward that the sight of the resurrected Dark Lord trying to play with everyone and everything that moved while stark naked was a sight capable of causing brains to turn to mush. Two hours later a series of Auror's invaded the suddenly smoking building with the odd pink and purple sparks coming from it to find one of the oddest, most disturbing sights that any of them had ever seen.

Voldemort was currently licking the bark off a purple tree that had ice cream attached to its leaves while Harry shook nearby, insane grin still in place as he was hissing madly to a giant snake, the head of which had long ago exploded. What little they could get out of the two was that Voldemort had, at some point, felt regret for all of his killings, because they were all people who could have been there, right then, to play with him, but now they couldn't because he had killed them; that regret had caused all his Horcruxes to be rescinded and the shock had destroyed what little sanity he had still had, causing him to forever, from that day forth, have the mind of a hyperactive pink rabbit that continued to randomly lick things, even going so far as to suddenly develop an animagus form that fulfilled the needs of that fragment of his soul that had been given sentience while still stuck in Harry's forehead; he was put on display in a magical zoo, where he was given an unlimited supply of sugary foods and plenty to play with and snuggle.

* * *

Present.

* * *

Ron read the plaque next to the glass display case, which still housed the insane pink rabbit that had once been the world's most feared Dark Lord.

The plaque had a simple statement, along with a very poignant piece of advice. The statement was: "Here is contained all that remains of the Dark Lord Voldemort, mind destroyed by a combination of forbidden Dark Arts and the introduction of happiness-inducing magical chemicals, body imprisoned in a body formed by his own broken mind."

And the advice served as a very appropriate moral of the story: "Remember: Never take candy from strangers, or from notorious pranksters. You never know what might happen."

Fred and George's happy juice had been banned in 93 countries within three days, three of which hadn't even been known to the British Ministry of Magic until they'd submitted sanctions against the chemical's import/export. Both boys had been treated for accidental magical addiction to a mind-altering magical drug, while Ginny, who had had the least exposure, had merely needed to go through Detox. Harry, who had had the second largest dose in history, had to be held in hospital for three months before the damage he'd done to his body could heal, even with magical help, and all of the chemical could be pulled from his system, and still for several years his Magical Core would spontaneously reproduce the stuff and send him into a bout of random tree-hugging, flower-picking-and-stuffing-into-random-peoples'-clothing rampage.

Harry shook as he stood nearby, light leather coat over his shoulders as he watched Bunnymort scrabble up the side of a pink rock, upside down, while trying to hump it. "Can we g-go please? I d-don't like it here..."

Ron nodded, "Yeah, let's go, before Ginny tries to climb in there again." And so they went, Bill physically restraining Ginny, who was shivering, eyes shooting to the uber-cute Bunnymort and wanting only to snuggle with it, again, while making pitiful little squeaking moans to this effect. She missed her Georgette!

Fred and George were not there. Three years after their entire stock of Happy Juice had been destroyed, they were still in intensive detox.

Ron shivered. He was glad none of that stuff had gotten on _him_!

* * *

Fin.

* * *

I'm not sure what to say, now... I'm laughing rather hard, though. Heheheheheheh.

If you want to know what inspired this, I can safely say: Nothing, really. I just wanted to make a Harry Potter fic with as much random, crazy insanity as I could come up with in less than an hour, and decided to cram it all into Harry's skull at once.

This was the result. (grins) It rather reminds me of '_Purple!_', actually. If you liked this, '_Purple!_' would be a nice supplementary read. (grins again)

I apologize again, posthumously this time, for any brain damage this fic probably caused. Gomen ne!

(Giggles insanely, then cackles madly before calming down) E-GADS that was fun! I can't get the grin off my face! I should do this more often, worldly brain damage aside.

Oh, and in case anyone wants to know what Ginny had been doing for the rest of that time, she found a Garden Gnome in the hole that Ron had vacated, named it Georgette and snuggled with it for an hour before putting it in Pigwidgeon's cage to keep as a pet, disregarding the fact that it happened to be dressed in nothing but a few tattered ribbons.

And finally, suddenly having the desire to lick a purple tree is _not_ normal and is a problem that needs to be analyzed by a trained professional _right away!_ They may not be able to do anything for you, but you should go anyway, they might have sprinkles! (laughs)

Ta ta now!

Alex Ultra: From Normal To WTF?

LATER


	2. Broken Pots Leak

Dislcaimer: Yup, I misspelled it. I also don't own Harry Potter, though after what I put him through here, Ms. Rowling may not want him anymore.

Summary: This chapter is a sequel. It's not a continuation, as I'm not sure how I'd go about continuing after the end of Come See Bunnymort! So instead I simply decided to find another way to break Harry's mind and see what I could do with it. As always, I make no claims to sanity in regards to this story, and forewarn that the reading of this story may cause irrevocable brain damage. Enjoy!

If you would like to watch a video that (somewhat, maybe, a little bit) reminds me of what Harry probably experiences during this sequel-like-thingy, go on Youtube, and search IOSYS Overdrive Remix. And then enjoy the Red Eyes Lunatic version. *smiles* One should note that it's only a sample of what I was listening to when writing some of the later parts of this. Hehe.

* * *

Come See Bunnymort! : The Sequel : Broken Pots Leak

* * *

'Let's see then. Right nasty dog, that. Good to see someone was keeping him in his place.' Severus moved the tip of his wand slightly, in a motion not unlike pressing a needle against someone's skin for maximum pain. Indeed, the motion was accompanied by a scream coming from the boy it was being pointed at.

To Severus, though, it was instead accompanied by more images being revealed to him about the boy's past, 'Ah, that "Dudley" is a right pain. Too bad he's a muggle, he could have been useful. Ah, well.' "Concentrate, Potter. You need to clear your mind." Hearing only gibbering in return, Severus pointed his wand again, "Legillimens."

The images came again. One of Snape in an old woman costume. One of a Boggart becoming Lord Voldemort. One of... purple stained trees?

He stopped the spell to look puzzledly at the boy. Where had he seen purple-stained trees? "Legillimens." This time specifically pressing for the purple-stained trees, he pointed at the part of the boy's mind where it had been seen.

'Ah, I see. That cousin of his had hit him in the head a bit too hard. It cleared away after a few hours. Thought it might have been a spell.' That ascertained, Severus prodded for similar things resulting from head trauma. There was no specific reason to have done so, other than the phantom pain it ought to give the boy, and because he was curious.

Some time later Severus finally grew bored. Even the natural resistance that a Wizard's mind normally had had been worn away, the boy was even less than an open door, now. Now it was more like the wall had been torn down and things were scattered all over the front yard. While this made finding things easier, it made those things make less sense, since the normal order of things in the boy's mind had been scattered to the winds.

Stopping his spell, Severus allowed the boy to slump with relief, "Go, Potter, we're done here tonight."

Harry took a moment more than Severus liked to understand the order, but a quick zap to the bum alerted him well enough and he left.

* * *

"Harry, are you alright?" Wide, almost empty eyes looked blankly into his eyes, and Ron visibly flinched. "Harry?"

"Oh, hello Ron. I'm fine, just a little distracted." This made Ron give the scarred boy a queer look.

"You sure? You sound a bit like Luna..."

Harry waved him off, "Yes, yes, I'm fine. When's supper?"

"Supper's over, mate."

"Oh, then I'll just go to bed, then." Matching intent to words, he did just that, Ron following him the whole way.

* * *

'Well this is unexpected.' Severus sifted through what his Legillimens spell was able to pull from the Potter boy's mind. 'I can't get anything new...' He shifted the spell a bit and got other things, but none of it was new; almost all of it was recycled from the day before. 'It's as though his mind put up a wall of nonsense.' He shifted that thought through his mind for a bit, then shrugged. 'While it _is_ progress, it's not the sort of progress we need. Best take it down before it becomes permanent.'

Of course, Severus knew that he was 'supposed' to test Harry's barriers any time the boy managed to get one up, but Severus had every intention of tearing into every barrier with the full force of his mind. After all, if Harry couldn't resist the lowly Severus Snape, how could he hope to resist the Great Voldemort? Petty vengeance had nothing to do with it.

Absolutely not.

Harry gave a silent gasp as the barrier in his mind gave way. Severus was then able to see whatever the boy thought about. Pressing with the spell, he forced the boy to think about... whatever. Severus didn't really care, so long as it was something different.

The problem was, by this point he'd gotten pretty much a day-by-day rundown of the boy's entire life. There really wasn't much left.

'Hmm? What's this?' Raising an eyebrow, he concentrated on the thought that caught his attention.

In it, there was a little girl sitting on the grass in front of the house he knew to be Number Four, Privet Drive. She was wearing a small dress that was either white or pink, and simply sitting there with a happy smile on her face.

Who might that be? What was she doing there? These are the sort of things he intended to figure out.

Unfortunately, try as he might, the only thing he could get from the image was more of the image. 'Ugh. The boy's mind is too tired, it can't link things together.' "Go, Potter, we're done here."

Harry sat there for a few moments longer, and Snape again got annoyed and gave him a stinging hex to get him moving. It didn't work, so he gave it a bit more power.

Stunned, Harry apparently came back to the real world. He looked Snape in the eye, smiled, nodded, and turned to leave.

"Don't come back until Saturday, Potter. I haven't time to deal with you tomorrow."

"Okay sir!" chirped the boy as he left.

Leaving Severus to wonder what the boy had to be so happy about.

* * *

"Hey Harry, what's with the smile?"

"Oh nothing."

"You sure?"

"Yup! Thank you for asking! G'night Ronny!"

"... Ronny?"

* * *

Friday afternoon was normally a bit more energetic than other days; the students knew that the weekend was coming and were ready to prepare for it, awaiting it with baited breath. Most of them had some form of work to keep them busy during the weekend, but most of those wouldn't spend nearly as much time on that work as they probably ought to have.

Harry Potter was no exception. The boy seemed remarkably chipper today, and had been all day, even during Potions class, which normally would have been dismal, what with being shouted at and told to report early to his detention the next day.

Indeed, nothing seemed to faze the boy-who-smiled. And it was starting to unnerve his best friend.

"Harry, what's going on?"

"Nothing's wrong, Ron. Why?"

"You... you're far too happy."

"What's wrong with being happy?" Harry almost seemed to pout with confusion at this.

"Gah! Don't _look_ at me like that!"

Again with the pouting, confused look, "Like what?"

"Like that!"

Suddenly Harry was all smiles again, "Oh Ron, you're silly!" Needless to say, anyone who'd had contact with Harry was on the edge of their seat that day, wondering what was going on.

Harry, on the other hand, was simply blissfully ignorant. He got along unusually well with Luna when they ran across each-other in the hallway later on in the day.

Luna, however, seemed concerned, frowning as she commented, "He doesn't seem to fully grasp reality..." Of course, coming from Luna this was either a very powerful statement, or something... less. "Perhaps he's had a run-in with some Barpruples, he _did_ mention something about purple-stained trees..."

* * *

Annoyed, Severus poked and prodded at Harry's mind. That blooming image was all he got. It didn't matter where or how hard he poked. Had the boy somehow managed to make a barrier that would keep even he, the one and only Severus Snape out of his mind?

He growled, frustrated. "Legillimens." He cast the spell with more power, but still nothing. The girl's smile looked a little odd, but it was the same image still.

"Legillimens!" Again little changed. The girl looked a bit like Luna now... a slightly excited Luna, but nothing else changed.

"LEGILLIMENS!" Frustrated, he roared the spell with all his might. This time his magic felt something not unlike the breaking of a barrier, like the sudden breaking of a china plate under the assault of a fork; the sudden loss of resistance caused him to pause for a moment... until he grinned and began digging.

He didn't notice Harry's grin, or the blank eyes that just... stared at him, but he _did_ notice that everything he found now didn't make any sense. Little girls, some broken in half, laughing a shrill laugh, floating in a sea of bright colors; trees stained purple would periodically reach out to eat passing rabbits, which were themselves every color of the rainbow; if a Phoenix could crap out a rainbow-colored egg, eat it, then burn the world in rainbow flames, it wouldn't look nearly as messed up as whatever Severus found behind that image.

And the laughing. The laughing! It was driving him mad! It was maddening! _Maddening_! 'Stop laughing.' His hand twitched, 'Stop laughing!' Another voice, this one much less shrill, joined the laughter.

It was his voice. He pulled out immediately.

Finally he noticed Harry's expression; grin pulled back yet eyes so blank as to be creepy, just staring at him as though they'd forgotten what he was.

"Potter, are you still with us?"

"Yay! Yes I am, Severy!" Suddenly Harry leapt forth and latched his arms around the Professor's neck.

"AH! GET OFF!" Using superior strength (which was superior largely only because Harry was so undernourished), Severus threw the boy back, where he landed next to a chair, giggling lightly, blank look still in place.

"I get it! Let's play!" Suddenly Harry got back up, and proceeded to try to knock Severus back, charging him a couple of times before Severus could get off a _Stupefy_.

"Ugh." Shivering, Severus got the limp boy in a chair. "I'll have to inform the Headmaster of this..." He shivered, "After a quick wash. I've never felt so dirty in my life..."

It, however, as they say, was already too late.

An hour later, Harry was gone, and Severus was shaking, scrubbing at his arms while mumbling, over and over, "It won't come off, it won't come off! It's won't come off, it won't come off! It won't come off, it won't come off!"

And that was only the start.

* * *

"Hey Ronny! I learned something new!" Ron's attention was brought by the sudden appearance of Harry, his arm up as though waving from far away; he was smiling and looking him directly in the eye, smiling brightly with a brightness about him that drew all eyes.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I got it!" Harry made a 'thumbs up!' gesture, "It's a new game!" Both fists up and out, "It goes like this!" And suddenly Harry pushed Ron to the ground!

"Agh! Harry! Bloody Hell, what was that for?"

"Ron, language!"

"You can play too, Hermione!"

"Eee! No, Harry! Stop!"

"Hey, Harry!" Fred (or was it George?) suddenly grabbed Harry from the side, so he couldn't push Hermione down, "Harry! Hey, what's wrong! Gah!" The red-head turned to the other, identical red-head, "Hey Fred, help me here?" He gasped and fell backward, "Aah! He licked my ear!"

"Get him!" Suddenly several people who were just standing around the Common Room charged the grinning, giggling boy-who-smiled, burying him under a dog-pile, where several people tried to grab hold of him.

Ron, however, simply stomped into it, throwing people off as he went, digging Harry out until he finally grabbed hold of the front of his robe and started shaking, "HARRY, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL!"

"Hey Ron, knock it off, something's wrong with him-" Ron pushed his sister off, focusing on the grinning, laughing boy, who's head was hanging limply to the side a little.

"Hey, Why're your eyes red? Aren't they s'posed to be green?" All sound stopped for a moment as everyone stopped to look at the boy's eyes.

"He's right, Harry's eyes have turned red."

"Did they pop? Too much blood or something?"

"I wonder if somebody punched him."

"Oh, that is sooo cool, my heart is beating just looking at them."

Hermione, though, wasn't looking at Harry, but instead at the other people in the room, her own eyes growing a bit wider and just a little fearful, "R-red eyes?"

She recalled, right in that moment, something that she had read some time ago.

* * *

"What's this? Something about a... Lunatic?" Hermione mumbled as she flipped through the book on foreign magical maladies that she had picked up; she had found it in a search for some way of helping her former idol, who had been locked away in a mental ward because of a backfired memory charm.

"Hmm... Let's see." She didn't do it often, but sometimes reading out loud helped the information sink in more quickly. "'In some cultures, the moon is associated not with romance, but with madness, when translated to English this is often shortened to 'Lunatic' madness, referring to the ancient name for the moon, 'Luna'. To the magical communities related to the cultures, this is known to be a very real condition, marked by two primary symptoms. The first symptom is a sudden, marked increase in overall energy. Those with experience with this malady would say that those who suffer from it exhibit 'Rabbit-like speed and energy', which ties in with legends relating rabbits to the moon. (ex: Lunar Rabbits, Magical Creature)

"'The second, more obvious symptom is a reddening of the eyes; the level of redness indicates how far into the madness the victim is. A slight reddening indicates either only slight madness or a short-lived one, glowing red eyes could indicate magically forced madness or one which invokes the victim's own magical core. Eyes that have turned completely red indicate a mind so broken as to be almost fully unrecoverable.

"'When related to Magical Folk, the target's Magical Core usually affords some level of resistance to 'Lunatic Madness'. However, if the Magical Core becomes overwhelmed and the victim descends completely into Madness, their Magical Core itself becomes a source of the Madness, expressing itself through the eyes. Gazing into the red eyes of Magical Folk exhibiting 'Lunatic Madness' can cause the Madness to spread to others.

"'Recommendations for treatment of 'Lunatic Madness' generally include treatment with powerful White Magic charms for the one doing the treating to prevent its spread, and isolation for those afflicted. If charms powerful enough to prevent spread of the malady are not available, simply avoid eye contact with the afflicted. Minimal contact with the afflicted is recommended in all situations.'"

Hermione tilted her head to the side, considering what she'd just read. "Hmm..."

"SHHH!"

"Ah! I'm sorry!"

"SHHH!"

Hermione only nodded, a blush forming on her cheeks as Madame Pince stalked off. 'I thought I was reading quietly enough...'

* * *

"DON'T LOOK AT HIS EYES!"

Half the room turned to her, looking at her, "What? Why not?"

"Hey, what's wrong? You know what's wrong, Hermione?"

Hermione shook under their gazes, almost all of them slightly more intense than she was comfortable with, "It's... Lunatic..."

"Eh? What's that? You know what's wrong?"

"It's Lunatic Madness!" She shouted out, dashing forward to pull Ron away from Harry, "His eyes have turned red, he's got more energy! It all fits!"

Ron broke out of her grip, "Hey, Harry!"

"Yeah Ron?"

"What's with the laughing, anyway?"

"Hey! I just tol-"

"Eh, I just feel good, right! PUSH!" Suddenly Harry slapped his arms out and pushed two of the people who were standing next to him straight into the rest of the crowd. "I bet I can do better than you, right!"

"Hah! Yeah right! LIKE THIS!" Hermione screamed when Ron suddenly pushed her to the ground, where Fred caught her.

Harry laughed, "Yeah! Come on, let's show everybody else!" Suddenly Harry ran out of the Common Room, followed closely by Ron, both of them laughing madly, leaving the Gryffindors in chaos.

"I have to tell the Headmaster!" Hermione ran out after them, while Fred tried to get George to stop licking people.

* * *

While Harry and Ron ran through the halls randomly pushing people down, occasionally stopping to talk to them first, Hermione sought out the Headmaster.

"HEADMASTER! HEADMASTER! PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE! IT'S HARRY!"

"Miss Granger? What's the problem?"

Hermione was in tears as she practically begged the Headmaster, "Please! It's Harry! He's got Lunatic Madness! It's the Tsuki no Usagi, the Moon Rabbit! He's got red eyes!"

"What? Please, slow down Miss Granger. What's wrong?"

Hermione tried to calm down, but all she really accomplished was to manage to speak a bit more slowly, "It's Harry, he's got Lunatic Madness. His eyes turned red and he's got far too much energy, now he and Ron are running around the school pushing people over, and if anyone looks in Harry's eyes they might get it, too! It's going to spread to the whole school!"

"And what makes you think it's..."

"Lunatic Madness, Luna as in the moon, it's a magical illness, I read about it a few months ago in a book about magical maladies. Professor, it said you can get it just by looking in his eyes!"

"I see. Thank you, Miss Granger, I'll take care of this. You should probably go stay in your dorm until everything is back to normal."

"Eh? Er, yes, Professor."

"Good. Now don't worry, the staff will handle this." Hermione thought that, as comforting as the elderly professor's words were supposed to be, his abysmal track record didn't give her much confidence.

Well, that and she wasn't sure Gryffindor Tower was a very safe place to be at the moment.

* * *

While Hermione was finding out just how right she was, Harry had found Luna, and _somehow_ the two of them had hit it off; as soon as Harry mentioned that he was looking for some kind of purple rabbit, Luna mentioned that it sounded like he was looking for a very dangerous form of magical moon rabbit, and gave him a charm made of Lucky Fairy Dust that she had found during the previous year's Christmas celebrations, which Harry started wearing right away.

"Ah! Luna! Do I get a charm?"

Luna looked at Ron, who was staring at her with a similar intensity to what Harry had been doing moments before, "What are you looking for?"

Ron thought for a moment, then responded, one finger in the air, "I have no idea!"

"Oh, in that case, how about I give you something, and you look for a red-horned purple snorkak?"

"Ah! How do I look for that!"

"I'm not sure, I've heard they like to eat snakes, perhaps you could ask some Slytherins?"

"Yes! Yes! I will! Haha, they eat snakes, they sound awesome!"

"Yes, take this and go to the dungeons. I think they like cold places." Luna smiled somewhat vapidly as she pointed Ron off to the dungeons, watching him take off like some sort of angry rocket monster.

An hour later several Slytherin students were witnessed either looking for quiet corners to cry in, or running screaming in stark terror. Draco Malfoy, specifically, had apparently decided to learn Parseltongue and was witnessed talking to a snake. The snake, of course, simply bit him, and the poor boy died a few hours later.

The Professors gave a valid effort trying to get everything under control, but at first all they managed to accomplish was to lock down the school, including the secret exits, so that no one could leave; since most of them had been given tips on Occlumency and some charms to help them with the effort, they were (mostly) immune to the spread of the malady that was driving several Ravenclaws to try to jump out of windows in an attempt to fly, while others tried to eat books in order to better absorb their information. Most of the badger house had escaped the goings on, having heard wind of Hermione's warning not to look anyone in the eye, but there were still a few Hufflepuffs floating around, latched onto others' backs and smiling rather happily.

Fortunately for the staff, most students only got a temporary dose.

However, unfortunately, Harry was not one of those students that had been captured. Luna later supplied the reason:

"Ah well he was looking for rabbits, but they don't live in castles, so he ran outside to go to the forest as soon as I gave him that protective charm."

This was, of course, very bad.

* * *

He didn't understand where it went all wrong. The stars never said anything about this, though if one paid attention it would make sense; they never paid too much attention to the moon, as staring into its milky depths could very well invite madness.

He, indeed none of them had ever thought about what might happen if the moon got involved in the fate of a child of destiny. And now he was paying the price.

It was just too bad that Harry had caught him by surprise with that random Transfiguration spell. It was temporary to be sure, it wasn't that easy to just randomly turn a magical creature into a random, brightly colored rabbit, but even so, after hugging him for a few moments, Harry had just left him sitting there next to what appeared to be a suddenly purple tree.

And then the tree moved, and had picked the poor little bunny up off the ground before he could do anything about it. If anyone in the vicinity could understand transformed-rabbit-speak, they would have heard him shouting, "NO! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED? THIS ISN'T HOW CENTAURS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO!"

Of course, all anyone actually heard was some really loud squeaking until the tree closed its mouth. It is unknown if the rabbit survived after the tree transformed back into a regular tree. Heck, no one's really sure if the tree ever transformed back, checking on it wasn't very high on their priority list.

* * *

"Lord Voldemort!"

"Just what is it that makes you barge in here unannounced?"

"It's very important!"

"What is it?" Voldemort had already pulled out his wand by this point.

"I've lost my chips! I can't find them anywhere!"

"… I see. _Crucio._"

"AAAAA_aaa_AAAHHH! MY CHIIIIIPPPSS!" Suddenly the minion, who had no name for simplicity, broke through the pain he was undoubtedly experiencing to bumrush the Dark Lord.

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!_" The minion dropped dead, but that wasn't the end of it. Dear Lord, no! For you see, that was about the time that roughly thirty various people, both minion and not, flooded the room, surrounding the Dark Lord and two of his trusted-yet-still-not-important-enough-to-deserve-names henchmen.

The Dark Lord Voldemort was powerful, and he was fast, but he was still only one man; after casting some fifteen Avada Kedavra's, one of which caught his own impromptu bodyguard, he had suddenly had several people cling to him, all claiming to want to be the one to 'take down the dark lord'.

He, of course, would have broken out, had the Potter Boy not appeared among them.

"Dark Lord Voldemort! I'm supposed to be defeating you! I don't know why or how, but here I am! Let's fight! Ready! ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!" The boy then threw out one of his hands in a fist, apparently trying to make a 'rock'. Voldemort managed to miss the fact that it had actually turned gray.

Having no time for this, he decided to try to figure out what possessed the boy to try to take him down so directly. "_Legillimens_."

Now, Voldemort hadn't really been playing with a full deck to begin with, having cut his soul into multiple pieces in a bid for immortality, so when he pushed his mind into the mind of someone whose mind was composed almost entirely of a swirling chaotic maelstrom of conflicting colors with shiny animals bouncing around and shrill laughter taking up the few empty spaces... he didn't stand a chance.

* * *

It took a few months for the mess to be cleaned up, but eventually the Madness had pretty much cleared away on its own; whether those who had it just got too tired to keep up the energy, or if the magic really did fade away with time no one knew, but from that time on the people of Britain would forever have a healthy fear of the Full Moon... well, again. And this time, it wasn't because of Werewolves.

After basically destroying the Dark Lord, no one really knew what came of Harry Potter; he'd stopped spreading the Madness at some point so people were grateful for that, but there would always be that fear that he would come back, this time more powerful than before.

They certainly wouldn't have imagined that he had ran off to the mountains, intent on eating all the ice cream he could find. Those poor giants never did quite convince him to leave.

* * *

THE END!

* * *

Well that's all of that. ^^;

On another note, I somehow don't like this one as much as I liked the original. What's worse is that I looked back at the original, to discover that at some point Fanfiction dot net had somehow garbled the original file almost beyond recognizability! I had to go back and fix it, get the formatting back to regular and filling in what was missing from where they had randomly truncated something. (cries) Fortunately I was able to find the original files, so that was helpful.

Stupid server error-thingies. Bah.

Oh well. Hope you enjoyed this, and didn't loose _too_ many brain cells in the reading! Hehe.

Alex Ultra: Bringer Of WTF

LATER


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